Growing up sucks…
It’s been a whole 19 years since I was born, and quite frankly, I’ve realized that growing up, sucks. Like really bad.
I’ve become isolated from the world in a way honestly & I really hate to be dramatic in any way but it’s honestly getting really bad. I practically never leave my house, no drivers license, no job, no BITCHES, and I’m broke 24/7. I always kid around and tell myself i’m a “Spongebob ass n*gga” lol. Because just like him, despite being a grown ass adult, I still haven’t gotten my boating license.
Why can’t you get your driving license?
Well, I took my driving test, with NO prior driving experience besides the mandatory lessons they provide. And I didn’t do too bad! But I was visibly nervous, and also wasn’t very good at talking while driving. So he sent me home with a permit to get more practice before re-taking the driving assessment. This means I can legally drive! with a person who has an actual license in the car…
But that seems easy then right? All I have to do is get someone to help me practice driving so I can get a little more confidence, and get my real, authentic, license, right? Wrong. NOBODY and I mean, NOBODY can take me. The one I call “Mother Secret” in my streams practically works like a dog 24/7, so she isn’t really fit to take me driving anywhere, my older sister moved out due to family drama, and my stepfather? A total narcissistic asshole who I avoid at all costs, and trust me, I tried to understand him. Theres just no hope for him.
And that leaves me with, my auntie maybe? Even though we aren’t that close. She would possibly bring me practice driving if I asked her? But I just really wish I didn’t have to reach that far for help.
Burn all your bridges, and then cross the river…
Along with all this other drama I’ve listed, it kinda feels like all my relationships are slowly falling apart. I’ve moved away from all my best friends, Haven’t really gotten any new ones either, besides online ones. And I used to consider my little cousin like a brother to me until he literally REFUSED to respect my boundaries, telling my shit like “Shut the hell up!” and when confronted even enforcing it by saying he would “Do it again”. And for some reason, it was just outright impossible for him to apologize to me without insulting me in some way or just doing it improperly. Just saying shit like “I’m too soft”, and “I’m butthurt for no reason”. It’s clear to me now that either him growing up made him the least empathetic person on the planet, or he always has been an asshole and I just never realized.
It’s sad because I’ve genuinely known this dude for over 10 years, and done everything for him, yet he still acts like this, despite all the time we’ve spent together, and all the gifts I’ve given with no expectation of him returning the favor. Why? I dunno. I think he’s just either going through his teenage rebellious phase, or he’s just genuinely is incapable of conceptualizing human empathy.
He even told me about some time he laughed at someone who got literally shot WITH A REAL GUN in the ass at his school, and was wondering why some girl was pissed at him. Which while I can see why you might think thats funny, especially if your into dark humor.. It was just the way he went about it that was wrong. He eventually came to the conclusion that she was just wrong, and had no sense of humor or something like that, once again invalidating someone’s feelings. And I told him if I was her, I’d probably think he was an asshole too. Oh well, I guess the signs were just always there lol. I’ll let all the bridges burn, and then try and cross the river I guess.
So what have you learned?
I guess I’ve learned that, blood doesn’t excuse toxicity, and that you absolutely have to be serious about your boundaries. Never, ever, let someone make you uncomfortable, tell you your making a big deal out of something, or otherwise invalidate your feelings in any way. Because at the end of the day, 99% of the time your feelings are valid, and nobody will protect your mental like you do.
If someone is constantly bickering with you, pissing you off & disrespecting you, even if they don’t think they are a problem, they are, & It’s time to distance from them as much as possible, family or not.
This has been Secret, keeping his peace, keeping it a secret, and signing out.
Thanks for reading… <3